Mason Pickett

Well, this wasn't supposed to happen. (7/12/2026)

I woke up this morning and an Apple News alert was waiting for me on my phone. It read, "Lindsey Graham, the longtime Republican senator from South Carolina, has died after a 'brief and sudden illness,' his office said. He was 71." 

Now, you'd think the senator that would've died would be the one that nobody's seen in a month, was loaded into an ambulance unconcious and immobile, and is in his 80s. Ah yes, Turtle Mitch. The man who's supposedly been on several "20-ish minute" phone calls who can't provide even a 10 second proof of life video. The constituents in Kentucky deserve more.

The conspiracy theory going around is that his aides and senior GOP officials are waiting until August 3rd, so that they don't have to run a special election. Under this theory, Mitch McConnell is already braindead, and is currently on life support sustaining his heart so that he's not "legally dead." The fruitfulness of this theory is to be debated -- I for one think something is definitely going on, but it's not this elaborate.

We shall see. Sayonara.

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